Saturday, September 14, 2013

Enchanted Forest

I haven't worked out in several days weeks months years.

Seriously, I have taken quite the hiatus from such strenuous behavior.

However, I may have broken the cycle of slothfulness.

I walked/ran for 35 whole minutes this week!

This is huge. Especially because I have plans to do it again... Granted, I also had plans to blog more frequently. So, based on this equation, I will be working out again some time around Christmas.

People, do you know what happens when you work out? This strange liquid seeps out of your pores and you get smelly and stinky and really wet! I think they call it sweat.

Like I said, it's been a while since I have exerted myself for a sustained amount of time, but I don't remember sweating in such volume. I am more the type to glisten glow boil on the inside and just turn a lovely shade of red.

Well, I may have just been doing some piddly walk/running but it was hot outside and consequently I did some serious sweating. (Sidebar: is the past tense of sweat, swat?)

This would have been fine if I was just going home after my work out. However, I was scheduled to read to my daughter's kindergarten class.

Desperate, I decided to go to Target to buy a new shirt. At least it would be dry and might provide a clean barrier to protect kids who approached me for a hug.

So I took my sweaty self on down to the Tar-jay and found me a shirt.

But I also saw some cute jeggings.

Now, I know what you are thinking: Maranda... just get the shirt and get your stinky self out of Target.

But no... this would not do... I determined that because I was finally at a store without my children I must try on some jeggings. Never mind that I was sweaty, hot, and red (not to be confused with red hot, or smokin' hot which I most definitely was not).

So off to the dressing room I went - all sweaty and stank - to squeeze into some skinny jeans. Because after my intense 35 minute work out, skinny jeans are now on the table again.

Trust me, it didn't end well. For me or the jeggings.

Dejected, I peeled those suckers off and whispered an apology to the person who would inevitably buy them. I then worked my way back into my smelly, moist (shudder) work out clothes and in doing so, got a big whiff of myself which solidified my plan to stop by the deodorant isle.

While in the deodorant isle... I realized that the situation I was dealing with was going to require more than just some Secret Solid. I wondered, is there a perfume section at Target? Because how would I know? After all, this was seriously the first time in like 6 years I had been at Target without children and I can assure you, I didn't take them down any perfume isle. Ain't nobody got time for that.

So, I confess... I went in search for a body spray sampler.

Now you know my shame.

I finally stumbled upon it and was happy to find what I thought to be a fairly neutral option - Baby Powder. After a few sideways glances to insure no one was observing me, I gave myself three full spritzes.

It was then that I noticed that this wasn't baby powder scent...

Somehow, I had picked up "Enchanted Forest"

Enchanted Forest, in case you are wondering, is not a neutral scent.

I guess this was my consequence for sleazing body spray from the local Target.


In other news...

We gave Sassy two little hamsters for her 6th birthday.

Feel sorry for me.

Scratch that. Feel sorry for them.