Monday, July 18, 2011

Fallin' out at VBS

Sassy: Mama! There's a bee! I need a hammer!
Me: Honey, you don't want to bother the bee.
Sassy: I know! I'm not gonna bother it! I'm just gonna kill it!


Should I be concerned? She sounds so lethal. She's really not though... I promise... just look at this face!

I haven't been posting much recently as I have had a bit of writers block, and it appears that it hasn't really remedied itself considering this blog's opening, but I just haven't been "feelin'" it lately. Plus, I've been reading those dadgum Hunger Games books, and with keeping up with the kids, doing laundry, fixing meals and cleaning keeping my kids alive, I guess I haven't had too much time for my many other distractions.

Oh, have I showed you Sassy's latest fashion look? I think this is going to be all the rage this fall.

They're not shoes...
And they're not socks...
They' rags tied in a bow!!!
Don't tell me that's not hot.

The kids attended a birthday party this weekend. It was a great party and fun was had by all!

Abi won the award for messiest cake eater.
 The prize was mommy getting to stain treat her clothes!

She was fiercely committed to that cupcake. At some point she got icing on her arm. No problem mom, I don't need a napkin, I'll just lick it off. And while I'm at it, I'll make sure I scrape this blob off the table and woof it down too. Let me just gnaw the cake remnants from the wrapper with my bottom row of teeth. Mmmmmmm....

As you can clearly see, she's been a chocolate lover since she was wee.

Mr. Jenkins got the prize for craziest child. His hair was particularly fuzzy and he looked a little insane as he flew through the air on the superman swing.

It's a good thing he is cute because he was quite naughty today. Allow me to share of his misdeeds.

Sassy is enrolled for VBS at a local church, so we loaded up the swagger wagon this morning and headed out. Upon entering the church parking lot, I realized that I had left my baby carrier, which allows me to be "hands free", at home.


I'd have to take the stroller... the flippin' huge double BOB stroller.
The one that only fits through one of the doors at our own church.
I had never been to this church and I didn't know if I would be able to get the beastly stroller through any of its doors. I was already a little tight on time and decided that maybe if I had a "conversation" with Mr. Jenkins regarding the plan for taking Sassy in, that I might be able to manage everyone and escape unscathed.

Oh, how could I have been so wrong?

The first sign that this was going to be disastrous should have been when I got Chili out of her seat and unfastened the other two only to discover that my hand was wet...

...with baby poo.


So, I quickly changed the baby. Well, actually, it wasn't too quick since it took me a while to find some wipes. I hadn't even brought the diaper bag with me because we were just "dropping" Sassy off and coming straight back home. I found a pack in the car, but they had dried out, so I had to open a water bottle and re-wet them. I did this whilst trying to keep Mr. Jenkins from the front seat where he was searching for a box of tic tics and spilling drinks in the process. I know I probably should have strapped him back into his car seat, but it is like putting a genie back into a bottle, except you don't get 3 wishes... you just get wailing and gnashing of teeth...and spilled drinks...and scattered tic tacs.

This is probably when I should have packed up and called it a day. But alas, I soldiered on... like a MO-ron!

We made it inside and managed to fill out emergency contact forms and wind our way through the throngs of moms and children arriving at her classroom without any major drama.

Sassy went in quickly and seemed quite excited about her classroom.

Unfortunately, Mr. Jenkins was also quite excited about her classroom.

As I take his hand to direct him to the door, I can see that this is going to get ugly... the boy is not leaving without a fight.

How is a mommy to graciously deal with a situation such as this? I am pretty sure it was not what I did for the next 15 minutes as I tried to get my child out of the church and into the swagger wagon. As soon as I got him out of the classroom he began crying for his sister and started the limp noodle routine whereby he ends up lying on the ground crying and pitching a fit. I think what you are supposed to do when this happens is just get the child out and discipline them once you have left the scene. This is what I attempted, however, he was so hysterical, I could only make him walk about 10 feet at a time before he would "fall out" again.

Did I mention we parked at the wrong wing of the church?

The boy rolled on the ground in the hallway, in the foyer, in the covered walkway, on the sidewalk, in the grass... and my personal favorite... in the middle of the parking lot.

By the grace of God we made it back to the car... not to mention that it was only by the grace of God I didn't leave him in the VBS parking lot.

I hope tomorrow is more successful. If you don't hear from me in a few days, send out the search party... I'll probably be in the fetal position in an abandoned craft room at VBS. There will be a small fuzzy-headed boy flailing around in the parking lot screaming.

He can show you where to find me.


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