Friday, September 2, 2011

'Fess up Friday

Linking up with Kira again this week. 

I had a rough Thursday.

I attempted to go to Target with the three gremlins (Kira... I have adopted this terminology for my suits them well). I clearly fed them after midnight because they were not so much Gizmo...

as they were...

Whatever that one's name is.

Anyway, things looked promising when we pulled in to a parking space right next to the cart return and there was one of those beastly carts 18 wheeler (well... maybe 8 wheeler) carts with the massive section for strapping in children.

But alas, it was missing many a buckle.

Buckles are essential to the containment of Mr. Jenkins.

I wrestled Mr. Jenkins from the unsatisfactory cart and proceeded to walk drag him into the store with Sassy trotting behind me and Chilli strapped to me in the Ergo.

Upon entering I had a word with Jenkins which momentarily helped him collect himself, but it was short-lived.

I got both he and Sassy into the new 18 wheeler cart and just as we rounded the $1 item section (you know... like 5 feet from the entrance), the man-child realized that he was strapped in and confined. At nearly that exact same moment, Sassy realized that there was in fact a broken buckle on this cart as well...which was highly disturbing (for some reason). Anywho, what resulted was a cacophony of wailing and screaming, complete with flailing from Mr. Jenkins that caused him to fall off of the little perch on the cart.

With the eyes of what felt like the world watching me, I turned the cart around, rolled it over to the cart return, collected Mr. Jenkins "bag o' flour" style under my arm and took Sassy by the hand. Jenkie was crying pretty loud, but it was Sassy's repeated scream of "I WANT TO STAAAAAAAY!" that was particularly attention drawing.


I love my kids, but that was really humiliating.

And exhausting... and it just made me feel like a failure. 

It is amazing how the behavior of my kids can determine my self-worth.

It is such a lie.

I know that it is the heart that truly matters...

But it is so hard to remember that... especially when you are crying in the Target parking lot with a car full of screaming kids!

Speaking of the heart... my heart was pretty yucky the rest of the day.

I was so frustrated with the kids... not only was there the Target experience, but there was pee on the floor I just mopped, marker ink on hands and clothes, dog food in the dog's water bowl, etc..., and although they had certainly been sinful, so had I.

I had to apologize to them later for being so angry and bitter.

Now that's humbling.

There were a lot of things I did poorly as a mom this week, but asking for forgiveness from my kids was not one of them.

I am grateful that I have children who do forgive me... but the forgiveness of my Savior is more humbling that I can express.

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
Romans 5:8


1 comment:

  1. Oh man, Maranda, I could have written this post on so many many occasions. I appreciate your humility and how real you are. It's not easy to admit when we don't have it all together. It's much easier to just not say anything when we don't have something nice to say, but the problem with that is when we pretend like nothing bad ever happens to us then other people feel even more alone. There is freedom in confessing our inadequacies, both to God and to each other. Thanks for letting me know I'm not the only one who had to ask my kids' forgiveness this week!

    I have totally gone into stores before and gotten five steps in teh door and realized this was a horrible idea, and so we just turn around and march out. Frustrating, humbling, aggravating, and embarrassing. Been there! But, it does get better. This season is going to pass. Promise.