The attention span of my children must be equivalent to that of a gnat.
I am exhausted from the sheer speed at which we have moved from one disastrous activity to the next while in the process systematically destroying the house, yard, porch, car, etc... Let me share an example with you:
Around 3:00 this afternoon, Sassy A. asked if she could get in the "pool"(an inflatable blow-fish kiddie pool).
I wish I had responded with a gleeful - "YES! Absolutely, I'd been hoping you would ask me if you could get in the pool, because I have been really wanting to help you strip naked, squeeze you into a swim suit, spray you with sunscreen while you shreik loudly, listen to you whine because you forgot your shoes and the deck is burning your feet, search to retrieve the designated pool toys that have be relocated to the various nether regions of the yard. Yes, Sassy A... the pool sounds like a great idea."
This however, was not my sentiment.
Alas, in an attempt to not be a total lame-o and encourage my daughter's desire to enjoy time playing outside, etc... I agreed and began the above process for Sassy A. and Mr. Jenkins who informed me via screeching that he too wanted to have some "pool time".
Did I mention that Chili C. wasn't being particularly chill at that moment and was requiring me to hold her whilst all this was occurring?
Anywho... So, we get all geared up for the event and as I go to turn on the hose to fill the baby pool, I notice that the hose is conspicuously missing. CURSES!! My lovely husband has moved it to the front yard to water our
weeds grass! So, I go around to the front yard where I have to shimmy down the side of the house between our front steps, side of the house and prickly bushes to unscrew the hose from the faucet.
It is then that I realize that I am stuck ...
Yes, stuck down between the prickly bushes and the side of my house. The steps are at chin height. Hearing Chili C crying from the baby swing I left her in and wondering what mischief those other two were getting into, I grab the side of the steps and heave myself onto our front stoop...my torso is flat on the stoop now, but my legs are still hanging down in the abyss. I manage to pull my knees up under myself and there I perched for a good 5 seconds regaining my balance and trying to stand up the rest of the way. I was just praying that no neighbors were witnessing this. So, after yanking the hose out of the prickly bushes and unscrewing the sprinkler head, I then drag the hose through our house, pick up Chili C, go out to the back porch where my kids are both still alive. I then go down off the porch around the side of the house and hook up the hose. I drag the other end of the hose back to the kids where Sassy A. fills the pool. They are having a grand time but the hose has no stop nozzle on it because lovely husband has apparently broken my sprayer nozzle as I found it sadly discarded by the sprinkler attachment in the front yard. Water is gushing everywhere and I do what I can to have Sassy direct it towards my garden. At this point, the pool is full, the plants are watered, the deck is wet, and the dog is hiding. I decide to turn off the water and just let them splash around. I walk back around to the side of the house and turn off the water and come back inside to nurse the baby at the kitchen table where I can still watch the kids play. I sit down, start to feed Chili C and within moments I have wet dripping children at the door banging to come in. Seriously?
I truly do want to foster a love for playing outside, for getting dirty and wet and just being a kid. I don't want to say no just because it is inconvenient for me, but why LORD, why can they not just stick with an activity for an extended period of time!? Why must I expend such fruitless effort?
So now in addition to getting them dried off, re-dressed, etc. I have to clean up the pool stuff, put away suits and towels, etc... and of course while I am doing this, Mr. Jenkins has brought the bubbles into the house and is blowing bubbles in the living room and Sassy is begging for a snack.
I really, really love my kids. Please know that I don't consider them a burden... I delight in them so much... but I am a tired momma today, and I am definitely on my way to crazy! I also fear greatly that my gymnastic maneuvers on the front steps may have proved that to my neighbors as well!
I will leave you with a short exchange between Sassy and me this evening right before bed.
Scene: Forbidden office room, in front of media cabinet that contains assorted board, card and dice games.
Me: What are you guys doing in here?
Sassy: Just getting a game mommy.
Me: No, sweetie, we cannot get a game out right now. It is almost bedtime. Plus, when you guys get out the games and drag the pieces all over the house, it makes me crazy.
Sassy: But mommy!!! I want you to feel crazy! Crazy!! Craaaazy!! (with increased feeling and intensity and tears brimming) Please be Craaaaazzzy!!!